thought

I had a thought, last night before I went to bed, that I meant to write down because it was the subject of this morning’s blog. The thought, of course, was desperately important and illuminating. Therefore,

 

I have woken up today and cannot remember it at all. Or, it is more that I can remember it but it doesn’t seem to be quite as earth shaking as it seemed just past midnight.

 

Slowly I am learning that while it is a good thing to notice these “inspired” moments  that what comes from them pales in comparison to what comes out of the steady process of showing up. And on my walk to where I am going this morning, I was thinking about that in relation to writing.

 

It is easy to get out of the habit of showing up. I am not talking about showing up to the places or things that you have made a commitment to, that is a whole other discussion. I am talking about showing up for yourself. Funny how it is the first commitment we let slide and then spend more time scrambling to find a short cut back to rather than just doing what we know has to be done.

 

Like with writing. If you want to write, sit down and write. Even if it is only for ten minutes a day it will be of more use to you than waiting for one “inspired” moment and then writing madly for hours. Why? When you show up every day for yourself, because it is important and you do it whether you want to or not – you begin to not only value yourself and what is inside you, but you actually begin to learn what is there.

 

A lot of the time our inspirations are nothing more than reactions and do not even come close to representing who we really are.

 

Showing up.

 

The mad kitten shows up every second for her life. She would like me to show up every second for her life too and takes….umbrage (she is a cat of large and meaningful words) when I am there but not present. It is one of the lessons I am struggling to learn now. How to be wholly present in suh a way that does not exclude more pieces than it includes. This is harder than it sounds. Doable, but it will take much work.

 

Not only do I have to practice showing up but I have to practice knowing what I am feeling and then turning outward and finding it in what is around me so I can do what needs to be  done to make that kind of connection real – whether it be adjusting my actions because I recognize my own loneliness in someone else’s behavior or, seeing my own need for love and affection in the insistent tap-tap-tapping of the mad kitten on my leg. Or, seeing my own fear within and connecting to the fear in others. Not to fix it, not to share, but to be in common presence.

 

To be in common presence.

 

That is the action. It must begin within and then become focused on another in order to allow it to be extended to the universe.  For before we can love what can never be known or experienced fully in this mortal coil, we must have discovered what it means to bear the responsibility of unconditionally loving ourselves and become able to accept and love another even though the repercussions may affect our lives – we must learn to live within the lack of security that comes with loving someone. Many people try to skip that middle stage…well….the first one too, because they are deeply painful. To touch our love, we must discover our sorrow. And that sorrow is the root of all joy, for like the poetry form of the Ghazal, it is about a decision to remain with love even though the love may never be realized or safe or secure .

 

To be in common presence.

To show up.

To see the promise in sorrow.

To stop living in ignorance  of the self.

To bear the responsibility of your choices.

To accept what is and let go of what you want to be.

To always know that what is –  changes, and can become anything.

To be free of the past.

To be free of the future.

To be free to be fully present.

To do without boundary.

To do.

To be.

To live.

To breathe.

To love.

 

 

 

c.2012 Cassandra Tribe. All Rights Reserved.

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About cassandratribe

"There are few artists that can do what Cassandra Tribe does. Whether with her poetry, her videos or her blog, Cassandra examines the truths that most of us can never come close to realizing and shows it for what it is, both beautiful and frightening at the same time. She exposes our inner-most workings like the cross-section of a powerful but flawed machine, our gears and springs, nuts and bolts removed and laid out before us. She is a true artist. Her new video, Requiem for a God, is the latest example of Cassandra's willingness to tear open and examine the very things that make us human. Shooting the film entirely by herself, she also eliminates all the little excuses we come up with to keep us from ourselves and our truth. You see, even when she's not trying to be, Cassandra Tribe is a beacon of truth and humanity in this darkest of worlds." (Michael E. Quigg, The Culture Network, June 2009)
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