with madness I wake

of all things I am absolutely torn and conflicted about whether to continue writing on “the city of love” using pen and paper, the typewriter or the computer.

I think it will wind up being a hybrid process, it is so complex and long that while the computer does make it easier to edit and move things around, there is a part of me that needs the “hands-on” aspect of creating it. I have been looking more and more into narrative frameworks – in medias res – where you just sort of launch into everything and explain it as you go. It is different because there are so many voices present in the piece as well. Each voice a part of the framework of the whole house.

I have to start nailing the pieces together because I have committed to a writing group and like…that means you have to be able to like show something written.

whoops….I just drifted off into googleland for a bit and lost my train of thought.

whoops…the I drifted into crockpot land and lost a few more minutes

I am distracted by several things that are turning around in my mind, a synthesis of ideas that are slowly evolving into a plan of action. And this is when life gets interesting. As I catch up and my life settles back down into its small, order I am looking forward and the sheer enormity of the work ahead.

I went a little apesh*t last night when I got back from two days of….the things that I do in the off-line world that are become extensions of my beliefs and the first thing I see is something posted on FB that just pushed my buttons for the sheer inanity of it and its…symptomic evidence of what is wrong with the world. God I wish I hadn’t broken my recorder. Oh wait, I may have another I can use to finish that book for you. What I am broaching is the solid idea of what can be done to start righting things again. My reading list has just grown so much in the past month it is insane, and not just reading but the meetings with people about this very subject, if what we have been doing is so very much not working, what direction do we go off into next?

The whole thing with that guy from NPR was sort of…a metaphor for the whole thing, what I found most telling (whether or not you agree he should have been censored for what he said) is that both sides pointed to the fact that he had written books about the civil rights movement as some kind of…justification for his entire being and actions throughout the rest of his life.

What is written down is very important because it is influential. But just because someone wrote it does not mean it is the definition of their character and person. That comes from their choices and actions. If they are in keeping with what the person has written then you may look backward to the book and say “oh yes, he wrote what he is,” but you cannot point forward from the book to the person and say “everything you do will be in keeping with this.”

oh swear to god my mind is all over the place, I just got distracted again

to heck with it, I’ll complain about MK instead….she took my chair the other day. We have been at it all week, as it gets colder she spends more and more time indoors and this is leading to an “adjustment period” for both of us.

So, my desk chair has a pillow on it that is just her size. Kind of a goldilocks thing. At first she was content to just sleep in it at night or when I was out, but now that she is inside she likes to sleep in it when I should be sitting in it. Now, I have an IDENTICAL pillow. I put the pillow on the bed and move her there. This is not good enough, she takes the chair again and we tussle over this for days. Finally I gave in and put the other pillow on the folding chair. Then, I wheeled her (in the desk chair and on the pillow) to the side of the desk and now I am sitting on the folding chair on the identical pillow. There is still something wrong with all of this but oh well. Peace has returned to the house again.

c.2010. Cassandra Tribe. All Rights Reserved.

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About cassandratribe

"There are few artists that can do what Cassandra Tribe does. Whether with her poetry, her videos or her blog, Cassandra examines the truths that most of us can never come close to realizing and shows it for what it is, both beautiful and frightening at the same time. She exposes our inner-most workings like the cross-section of a powerful but flawed machine, our gears and springs, nuts and bolts removed and laid out before us. She is a true artist. Her new video, Requiem for a God, is the latest example of Cassandra's willingness to tear open and examine the very things that make us human. Shooting the film entirely by herself, she also eliminates all the little excuses we come up with to keep us from ourselves and our truth. You see, even when she's not trying to be, Cassandra Tribe is a beacon of truth and humanity in this darkest of worlds." (Michael E. Quigg, The Culture Network, June 2009)
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