the vulnerable

The Brazilian form of canasta is called a word that I can neither spell nor pronounce but means “the hole.” After playing my first game I can see why. You and your partner can be sailing ahead and within one round WHAM! you are down a deep hole.

But it was…one of the funnest things I have done in a long time. A little cheese and crackers, quite a few cafe zinos, some music and cards. The nice thing about it all is there is no way to maintain a “poker face,” it really doesn’t matter, so when you get a morte hand and it is morte (deader then a doornail) then the groaning and kvetching begin.

And, the table was very kind to me, being the only non-Brazilian there, to speak mostly english or to provide a translation of what was going on (including the music lyrics).

They are waiting for me to get my feet on the ground a bit with the rules before we start playing “the vulnerable.” Each game is played to 3,000 points, in the vulnerable, when one team hits 1500 points they are restricted from putting things down unless the runs equal 75 points minimum. If they mess up, their limit goes up to 90.

It was a good way to spend the afternoon, albeit now I am tired. Up at 4 am to finish working on some things. Had a bad night last night but that is ok. I had some email exchanges that put things into perspective on how healing can be entirely disruptive, especially when you have to revisit the past but now you can see things from a different perspective, one that sometimes lets you see and feel more depth in the pain. But that is just a natural part of life.

When we grow it is in all directions at once. Sometimes it can feel like you are being pulled apart, sometimes it can feel like you are being pulled free from a thicket of briars that has held you trapped.

There is, unfortunately, no guarantee which you will feel at what time.

And so you just keep doing and you just keep trying. Keep doing what works and has a certain feel of rightness to it, and drop what doesn’t work and what leaves one feeling uneasy. We have more knowledge about what we need then we give ourselves credit for.

Now…back to work….and I am going to look up the dreaded Bolivian form of Canasta, something about the way it is played strikes fear in the hearts of many.

And the camera is back…and just waiting for me to start.
And start I shall tomorrow.

c.2010 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved.


About cassandratribe

"There are few artists that can do what Cassandra Tribe does. Whether with her poetry, her videos or her blog, Cassandra examines the truths that most of us can never come close to realizing and shows it for what it is, both beautiful and frightening at the same time. She exposes our inner-most workings like the cross-section of a powerful but flawed machine, our gears and springs, nuts and bolts removed and laid out before us. She is a true artist. Her new video, Requiem for a God, is the latest example of Cassandra's willingness to tear open and examine the very things that make us human. Shooting the film entirely by herself, she also eliminates all the little excuses we come up with to keep us from ourselves and our truth. You see, even when she's not trying to be, Cassandra Tribe is a beacon of truth and humanity in this darkest of worlds." (Michael E. Quigg, The Culture Network, June 2009)
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