I am back on my kick with the aluminum foil – note – it is July and not November when I am doing this now. A little more advanced planning is in order so I don’t screw up the winter again.
Things I have learned: concrete block walls have absolutely no insulating value – however – they will store heat or cold and then keep pumping it inside all day.
Things I have learned part 2: If I sit and think I can come up with a budget and a plan to renovate the studio to be winterized rather then shell out money for an apartment.
So I am taping aluminum foil to all of my walls. It forms a reflective barrier and air barrier that will cut down significantly on hot and cold passing through the walls and is the first step to my actually building stud walls and insulating. Its July. I want my gold star.
Q says “as long as you are not making little foil hats too its ok.” It does look kind of funky but its just part of the process.
What I forgot last year, correction, what I allowed myself to give up and get distracted from was “the plan” and that has heartily contributed to my having so much financially difficulty. But, as I started a few months ago, I began righting the wrong decisions I started making and in some ways turned back time to do it again and do it right this time. Just coming to that decision and making a commitment to it has relieved me of enormous stress.
I got a wild hair.
I have been pushing myself out on the bicycle more and more. Going out with that group and all and not only did I also forget a) how much I enjoy riding but b) how good physical exercise makes me feel. So I have been slowly expanding my horizons with it and I got this idea that for my 42 birthday I want to ride a century (100 miles in one day). Conveniently there is an official century ride just about right on my birthday.
As I am pedaling around and rising out of my funk I have been thinking “what else did I used to do that made just everything easier to bear?” And there are a few things. Things that cost nothing to do but require time and a commitment to showing up. So I shift and rearrange and I am bringing them back into my life.
It is a strange process because after all of this internal struggle it is so damn easy. Really. One of the nicest compliments I received this week was from a friend who just looked at me and said “You know I am used to people being able to identify and talk about the problems in their life but not so used to someone who then follows through with making changes.”
And I thought about that and the truth in it. We have come to a place where we highly value the ability to talk about what is wrong, but don’t value so much the actual choice to do something about it. The idea of someone sitting in stillness or silence but with complete awareness of their issues has come to be a goal. I am learning that once you are aware, you need to go do something.
Pedal. Tape. Write.
I had this glorious idea for the new video, the executioner’s song, and I was steadily working on it. All along I had this kind of….discomfort about it that I could not figure out. And then it hit me, I was walking up the street and that quote from Eleanora Duse rang in my ears, “I have made myself up morally, it is the only costume that I need.”
I scrapped the whole idea I had for the video. Shooting scripts and all. It hit me that what I was getting ready to do was…too…ornate is not the word but would have distracted from the whole. The video would have become about the sort of tongue and cheek presentation, the makeup, the costumes and it would have let the viewer off the hook as far as what the poem is actually about.
Back to square one. But I feel better about all that now.
I still have no idea what on earth I will do but I do believe I will start with the soundtrack and take it from there.
And hopefully soon I will be back on a more daily blogging routine. In the middle of my middle I have been tied up with various training and certifications that are almost done. My secret life, which I am so looking forward too.
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