So…if you tried to tune into the Poe show and couldn’t find it and then didn’t see my tweet you have no idea what happened. We will be rescheduling it for later once I am alittle less….ahhhhhhh…buggy…

You see…while peacefully sleeping Saturday night/ Sunday morning I had a bug crawl into my ear.

I have no idea what kind of bug.
All I know is I woke up with the little sucker drumming its feet against my eardrum and let me tell you…while it was not painful at all…it was absolutely maddening and unlike anything else I have ever experienced before.

Now, if you google “how to get a bug out of your ear” they have all these ideas about one gently doing this or that as if, when you are the person with the bug in your ear, you are not actually hopping around madly in the dark, whacking the side of your head and thinking that at long last you have gone finally and truly insane.

My solution, at 3am Sunday morning, was to grab a bottle of water and pour it into my ear. Which drowned the bug but then also stuck the bug and the water in my ear.

Then I preceded to have a resurgence of that cold/flu thing going around and the whole week has just been a mess. You don’t really realize how much you depend on your hearing until a part of it is gone.

It is coming back slowly, I am having to do an old home remedy of ear cleaning with hydrogen peroxide to get it all out. As that ear becomes cleaner I then feel like I am deaf in the other ear and have to clean that one too. Add in high heat and humidity and I have just been sunk in a pity party for days.

Someone said, why not go to the clinic and get it out. Ahhhhhh….case in point about healthcare. I have none. Next question, why not go to a free clinic? Well, unless I want to get tested for an STD one has to provide proof of income, residency and a few other thousands bits of information in this state to get free healthcare – I am a freelancer who, because certain people have stalked me, live a life that provides almost zero proof of residency anywhere and certainly not where I actually live.

Third question, go to a place that offers a sliding scale. Reality, it has been a hard winter for a lot of reasons, I cannot even afford even one more bill of $25 or there will be no food that week.

Fourth question, well f–k it, just go to ER. Ixnay, like a I need to spend the next year paying for a thousand dollar bug.

On the surface we have systems in place to provide for people. In reality we don’t.

I was having a talk with someone about the meetup groups, the social groups on that site on meetup.com (which I heartily endorse and love) and how for many people, the simple act of a meetup group scheduling to get together at a local Chelo’s puts it out of the running for most people.

We are a consumer based economy and society. If you cannot pay, then you are not allowed to take part in it. Even in our programs to provide for people who can’t they are laden with so many rules and catches that half the people who need services cannot use them. Either because they cannot even afford the smallest of payments or, the requirements to receive free help are too confusing and overwhelming to be used.

I am fortunate that I am fairly resilient. I can tolerate the madness of hunger for a few weeks to pursue other choices…I have no children to take care of, no major illnesses that must be treated. I can also come up with “Plan Bs, Cs, and Ds” and try them out because I have a certain degree of flexibility. Mostly that flexibility comes from the fact that I have a strong goal I live in pursuit of.

But knowledge of that goal was hard one and came from my ability to make a series of choices because I did not have other considerations.

I am working on moving the workshop to its own site and onto the mobile site so there is no more downtime with it, nor will you have to sign up for anything etc. and so forth.

I am into Plan C with plotting how I am going to pull of the Executioner’s Song but…as Faulkner said (and I tweeted) a little trouble sharpens the soul.

And…I still have a little bit of bug left, but that is going soon. It poured yesterday and most of the humidity is gone. As the fortune says….today is already better then yesterday…

c.2010 Cassandra Tribe. All Rights Reserved.


About cassandratribe

"There are few artists that can do what Cassandra Tribe does. Whether with her poetry, her videos or her blog, Cassandra examines the truths that most of us can never come close to realizing and shows it for what it is, both beautiful and frightening at the same time. She exposes our inner-most workings like the cross-section of a powerful but flawed machine, our gears and springs, nuts and bolts removed and laid out before us. She is a true artist. Her new video, Requiem for a God, is the latest example of Cassandra's willingness to tear open and examine the very things that make us human. Shooting the film entirely by herself, she also eliminates all the little excuses we come up with to keep us from ourselves and our truth. You see, even when she's not trying to be, Cassandra Tribe is a beacon of truth and humanity in this darkest of worlds." (Michael E. Quigg, The Culture Network, June 2009)
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